Born Adults

Bizarro 05-22-16 HdrWEB

(A simple click of any illustration here will delightfully embiggenate it.)
Bizarro 05-22-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Enduring Myths.

Today’s Sunday cartoon is a soft joke but one that made me smile. The mythical notion of humans just popping up in life as full-grown, modern adults and trying to negotiate the world around them is always amusing to me, but this is a wrinkle I’ve never thought of before. The utterly casual callousness of Adam and Eve as the quintessential “new parents” is devilishly delightful: “Sorry kid. We have no idea what we’re doing, and how could we?” I felt that way with my first daughter, who was born a full decade before I had any business being a parent.
(more…)

Sky Schooling

Bizarro 05-15-16 HdrWEB(If thee must embiggenate, do so with a click to any man-made object in any cartoon.)Bizarro 05-15-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Unusual Methods.

These days, skywriting is done by computer or some other form of technological voodoo, but in the old days, people flew around and spelled words out in the air mechanically by releasing some puffy white stuff at the appropriate time. Ever since I was a child I’ve wondered how the pilot knew what the thing they were creating looked like from the ground. Today’s big, spectacular, double-wide Sunday cartoon shows how I imagine they might have practiced. (On an interesting side note, when the industry switched to computerized skywriting, the dessert topping industry took a major hit and has yet to recover, as chronicled here.)
(more…)

Grammarant

Bizarro 05-08-16 HdrWEB

(To commence the embiggenation process, click any vowel on any image.)Bizarro 05-08-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Primitive North American Skeet Shooting.

I’ve confessed here before that I’m a bit of a grammar nazi. So I thought it might be fun to create some circus sideshow banners of people correctly using commonly misused phrases and words. The first one is an age-old pet peeve of mine. I’ve not done an in-depth study of it but I’d estimate that 95% of Americans say “I could care less” rather than the correct, “I couldn’t care less,” when they want to express indifference. Yes, people will know what you mean either way and that’s the main point of language, but it drives me a little bit nuts that “I could care less” means exactly the opposite of what you’re trying to say. I care about my mother (happy Mother’s Day, Mom!) and so it would be very possible for me to care less about her. It would not be possible for me to care more about her. On the other hand, if I care nothing at all about something, it would not be possible for me to care less because I already don’t care at all. And so, I “couldn’t” care less. Don’t think of it as a phrase, think of the literal meaning of the words you are saying.
(more…)

Crawling Through Cliches

Bizarro 05-01-16 hdrWEB

(A desire to embiggenate can be satisfied by clicking any of these cartoons.)

Bizarro 05-01-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Simpson’s Shout-Out to Jazz Pickles.

As I’ve said before on this blog, I enjoy doing cartoons within the canon of popular cartoon tropes like the desert island, the shrink’s couch, the man crawling through a desert, etc. Here I combine two of them and use another trope: the self-referential cartoon. Self-referential cartoons can be dangerous because if they’re too easy––a character simply noticing he is in a cartoon without anything more substantial to say about it––it can elicit a groan. I hope not too many people groaned at this one. I thought it was fun.
(more…)

Too Many Babies

Bizarro 04-24-16 hdrWEB

(To embiggenate any cartoon, hold down your breakfast and click any yellowish color thrice.)

Bizarro 04-24-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by My Favorite Click Bait of the Week.

If you’re a person who is uncomfortable being honest about sex with your children, this cartoon is an excellent way to teach them about reproduction. It’s a bit more accurate than the old “stork” story, and in a court of law you could argue that it is technically true; babies come from inside the mother. Of course, if you do use this as a teaching tool for your children, prepare to be raising your grandchildren in a few years because their parents are still in middle school.
(more…)